My assumption would be that IF I had any regular readers of this blog they would have thought that I would have died and not left a forwarding address. Well...if stress kills than I surely must be standing on the precipice...our lives continue to be a study in chaos, instability, and transition (even more than USUAL). All that being said, with part-time (actually full time but with part-time pay) ministry and teaching classes online I just don't have the energy any more nor do I feel like I have a lot left to share that matters.
Since the last post I have failed to find a suitable full-time ministry, sent one of my children off to college, grown a years older (at least as far as the calendar goes--seems like 10 to me), and I have continued to struggle with health issues that would have been taken care of had I either been on welfare or had insurance...but in our world today there is really no place for a person who is REALLY trying and simply failing---you either have to be "in the system" or succeeding enough to afford life (of which I am neither). If the price of food, gasoline, and the price of utilities continues to go up we will all soon be loosing weight, walking, and staying either a LOT cooler or a LOT warmer (depending on the present temps).
MANY friends who believe in my ministry are helping us take a mission trip to Haiti next month. We could not afford to go without their support. Unless we run into other health issues that prevent the trip we will leave the US for seven days in Haiti early next month. It will be a welcome change from what has become our routine. It is life-changing! While it is easy to complain and feel sorry for oneself in light of their own situation and when measuring one against other's situations...it is quite impossible to be in someplace like Haiti and feel sorry for oneself. Even the poorest among our social classes in the US would be considered wealthy among the Haitians...and they have no government support so there is no way that they can "work the system"--they just live to survive one more day eking out an existence all on their own. I would say that it will be good for me to get a dose of reality.
God has a way of doing that...just when we think we have reached the end of our rope, he sends us down a longer rope to have a look at someone else's despair...it has never been a comparison game...we must learn, as Paul did, to "be content in all situations" and to know that "HIS grace is sufficient for me."
The harder I kick...the more ground I lose...but apparently I am not learning many lessons. It shouldn't be this hard, and the struggle shouldn't tax me like this after all these years. Maybe I am just weary of the fight. I just want to go home...wherever that is.
"I believe...help me in my unbelief"
