I just got a call (a digitally recorded call...I might add) at my church office about...are you ready...aerial photography. You know...those fly over shots you see of businesses and farms and other cool stuff.
Don't be confused...I am NOT against aerial photography (sometimes I think the pics are pretty cool)--but I just don't see our leadership going for it and I have no idea where we would hang such a thing or why. But last night and that phone call reminded me of a few things.
After the call I sat and wondered what my life might look like from an aerial view? Sometimes people plot their journey like a line graph...showing the peaks and valleys and the ups and downs...but I wonder how my life might look from an overhead perspective? I can only imagine!! I don't want to see a line graph...it would only depress me!! But an overhead perspective where you get the BIG picture...might look a LOT different.
I have a feeling that it might look like some broken up road in the middle of nowhere...probably like SO many "cow paths" that I walked to fish in a farm pond...weeds growing up both sides, there's only dirt where the cows walk, and where the tractor passes by...then there is the stuff that the cows leave behind...that seems to be everywhere...including the bottom of your boots! Yeah it has been a tough last few years. A piece of road I NEVER thought I would hit when I was in my 20's and 30's--back then was a struggle too..but for different reasons and in different ways...as I approach 50 the struggles have changed, my perception of them has changed, and how I deal with them has changed as well.
About 6 years ago I moved to my present location to be an associate minister (in retrospect I'll confess...with a LOT of expectations), in a congregation that everyone thought would soon be pushing 200 and beyond. After only a few months there the senior minister announced that he was leaving--I applied but was not given the position---though disgruntled I stayed and tried to move forward in the position that I was in. Another senior minster was hired, after two years he announced that he was leaving...I was told I would not be considered for the position (BTW...by that time I had been in the ministry for 20 years with 10 years experience in the pulpit)...so I quit. That's right...that night...on the spot I quit...not knowing how I would support my family or what would happen...it was basically like a "secular" job...I gave my two weeks notice and that was the end of it.
I considered leaving the ministry completely but to be honest...at my age...in our location...there's not much out there.
After a couple of months of supply preaching I was asked to become the interim of a small congregation about an hour from home. I agreed for the short-term. The congregation had been through some problems, attendance had diminished, and they were (and still are) in financial trouble due to the split. I began to drive over three days a week--for almost no financial support--things got a little better. As I prayed, (and frankly...feared) God laid on my heart to pursue this ministry as a missionary...perhaps I could get financial backing from others to support our efforts there...I did, He did, and we did. That was nearly three years ago and I am still the interim minster there...but we have set a a timeline for change...only God knows what this year will bring (changes...definitely changes!!).
That's my story...as Paul Harvey was wont to say...here's the "rest of the story."
At my last position I had the great pleasure to meet up with a missionary from Haiti. In fact, I got to travel to Haiti for a week of short term labor for the Kingdom. In the waning months of my tenure at the church he contacted me about working with him to start an institute to teach Haitian nationals how to be ministers...I think he called it "A Haitian Bible College"--I am not at all sure why he contacted me except that he knew I had an advanced degree and some experience teaching college students.
LONG story short--the dream became a reality and this Fall I will begin my third year teaching Haitian students at the institute via online technology.
Last night that same missionary came to my house for a visit. He told me, with GREAT joy, how the institute, though still small in size was making a HUGE impact in its area in Haiti. My students are working in private schools, helping at the church (doing youth work), are being ordained as deacons in their local churches, there is even a new vision of a church plant that will use the students from the institute to help plant the congregation in a rural place where no church exists (property has even been donated for this purpose)--there is a dream of a medical clinic near the church that will serve the area--reaching both physical and spiritual needs.
DON'T MISUNDERSTAND...I didn't do or cause ANY of these things to happen...for the Haitians I am mostly a face on a video screen that talks too much. However, in the "mess" that is my current life situation I was reminded that I need to step back and see what God is doing in the middle of my mess.
I have thought about, wanted to, prayed about, cried out to God, written out...you name it...I HAVE WANTED OUT...the ministry is hard on people and families and we (unfortunately like SO many others) have bore the brunt of the negative side of what it means to serve in God's Kingdom.
An aerial view might look better than I think...to me it would probably look like 5 miles of bad road in the middle of the wilderness...but from a BIGGER perspective...you know how those aerial pictures are---they are so far away that all the small stuff that seems out of place when you see them from the ground...go unnoticed from the air...everything that in everyday life seems to occupy and clutter seems insignificant from a bigger perspective.
I tend to only see the glass 1/2 empty with WAY too much stuff cluttering up the landscape. God's see it too (I am certain) but today I was reminded why God sees the BIG picture...and that is why I keep going...because I trust someone sees something better in the distance than I am able to see. So let us "not grow weary in doing good"--but keep our eyes on the "Author and Perfecter of our faith"--what might look like 5 miles of bad road in the middle of the wilderness might look like something else to Him!
I believe...help me in my unbelief.
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