I have titled this post the "myth" of the ugly bride because I don't think that there is such a thing as an "ugly bride" (I COULD be wrong...maybe that is where the tradition for the bride to wear a veil came from?? But there is some helpful info about brides and veils here assuming you might be interested in that line of thinking). Having just turned fifty years old I have had the occasion to attend, be a part of, or officiate over a LOT of weddings and in each case, I believe, in some how and in some way, to some person...the bride was beautiful. When speaking of brides during the month of October, our minds often move quickly to the image above...the "Bride of Frankenstein"...the quintessential "ugly bride."
Brides are an ongoing part of the biblical narrative (cf Jacob working to gain a bride [Gen 24]; The entire book of the Song of Songs; and the prophet Hosea who is told to marry a prostitute, etc...), however the most vivid depiction of a biblical "bride" is ongoing. In the closing chapters of the book of Revelation the Spirit shows John vivid imagery of a bride, a bridegroom, and the wedding of the Lamb (who can be known from the imagery in Rev. 5 as Jesus). Just like today...in biblical times brides, grooms, and wedding were BIG deals...sometimes they were parties that lasted for days! It is hard to believe that any account of such a thing could be in any sense "ugly." However, if you are a user of social media, you know that the biblical bride of Christ (the Church) has taken a beating. Postmodernity rightfully leveled the playing field and here in America our illusion of a "Christian Nation" has come crashing down around our heads. The Church has finally been revealed for what it REALLY is: FULL of broken, sinful, hypocritical, well-intending but sometimes downright hurtful, PEOPLE who are in desperate need of redefining our relationship with Jesus. The truth that no one is confessing is this...biblically, this has been the case all along...READ THE WORD!! The problem is that this fact, in the world of modernity, has been covered up and everyone was told that Christians, who make up the Church, were striving for perfection and it was really quite the "angel factory"--quietly pumping out morally superior humans who had their "stuff" together...but it was all an illusion. All that being said...an astounding Truth comes to light...it has been that way all along AND in spite of THAT very situation (the illusion mentioned above) God has chosen the Church to carry his message to the world...they are to be His hands and feet. Paul says it like this...the Church are (yes I know that the form of the verb to be is improper but so is the typical grammatical use of the word "church"--by using "are" plural I am implying that the term "Church" means the people of Christ...NOT a structure) Jesus' AMBASSADORS to the world. I dislike the political connotation of the term "ambassador" but it IS correct..think of it in these terms...in the Ancient Near East an "ambassador" was someone who brought greetings to/from and on behalf of a king. Paul's word picture here is simple...the Church (christians) are to bring a message from the King to the people. The disappointing fact is that THIS is exactly what has been happening...the problem is that it has too often presented the wrong greeting and message. Because of this the bride is looking a little "used" in our world today. What once appeared as beautiful, and unsoiled...surrendered herself to the villain of the culture of modernity and lost her "first love." But the God who sent the Spirit to "call out" and create the Church on the Day of Pentecost...is a HUGE God...a God of a bigger vision, and fortunately for me...a God of second (read MANY) chances. I am convinced that the Church remains God's greatest tool for reaching a lost and hurting world with the message of the gospel of Jesus Christ! Are there problems that need to be corrected? YES! Do things need to change? YES! In spite of what you might have read or heard (and YES statistically it appears that the Church is declining..but stats don't often tell the entire story) the Church is NOT, and will not Die (until God is done with her!). The Church remains the "bride of Christ" but she is not an "ugly" bride (a myth perpetuated by those who are broken but do not yet know that they need "fixed")--she may be down but she is certainly NOT out, she may be soiled but can be CLEANSED, she may have faltered or chosen unwisely in some of her relationships but she REMAINS God's instrument of love, grace, peace, and hope: 7 Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready.”8 It was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. (Revelation 19:7-8) I believe...help me in my unbelief.
Each year in the month of October I try to say something about pastor appreciation since October is "Pastor Appreciation Month." In my mind it is a "made-up holiday" to increase sales at the local Christian bookstore. Pastor's SHOULD BE appreciated every month...but since we are forced to "pigeon-hole" a month to celebrate allow me to elucidate.
I am a child of the 70's. As such, at least growing up in my parents house, I listened to whatever music they listened to (at least until I broke the yoke of music slavery!)...which in my case was country music...and a LOT of it! I don't listen to country today (it is really just bad rock) but I can recall a few songs here and there of what I was reared on...my mom was a Conway Twitty fan, and at some point he released a song called "Happy Birthday Darlin'." In this song he assures his "darlin'" that he didn't get her any fancy presents, instead he wants to take a few things away. You can check out the song in the video below:
If you have continued to read to this point you are probably confused...(it's okay I was confused when I typed it!). Here is the bottom line...your "pastor" (a term I am not wild about but will continue to use for the sake of clarity and continuity) is not looking for a gift or recognition. If it comes from the local christian bookstore he already has it or doesn't want it...SO...perhaps this year you, like Conway Twitty, can give him something truly helpful and try to take away a few things that are making his life, his vocation, and his ministry more difficult than it has to be. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Take away his insecurity. Don't "appreciate" him once a year or a month of every year. Let him know that you continue to pray for him. Send him emails and cards, post on social media how much you appreciate all that he has given up to help lead you and your congregation ALL YEAR LONG!
2. Take away his burdens. Most people don't realize that pastor's are really only burdened about a few things: their family, the congregation they serve, and those dying without Jesus (and not necessarily in that order). You can help alleviate some of that burden by helping him to care for his family (offer to babysit, give them a gift card for a night on the town, send cards and gift boxes to their children in college, etc...). He is making sure your family is cared for...why are so many pastoral families NOT cared for? You can ease his burden by offering to help (it is required in Scripture) serve others in your congregation by whatever means that God has gifted you. You can free up more of his time...which is ALWAYS a gift.
3. Take away disunity and gossip. I know...we are mumbling to ourselves that we are not the cause of such things in our congregations...OF COURSE WE AREN'T!! But our stubborn refusal to participate in some things because it is "not for us" or "I don't like it" is a link in a chain that binds the pastor. Our backbiting and talking behind the backs of others is another link in what often seems to the pastor to be a "ponderous chain" (with apologies to Charles Dickens). Grumbling about things that are mere "likes and dislikes" prevent God from the blessings that your pastor is seeking on your behalf...we are not ready for it yet because we cannot stop dealing with the small things.
4. Take away his worry. As a small church pastor I can attest that their are fewer people to do everything that needs to be done to make ministry happen. Small things like making communion for worship, making sure that grass looks nice in the summer and the snow is shoveled in the winter, making sure there is toilet tissue, that the heat/air are properly adjusted...all these tiny details are things that small church pastors worry about because they don't have staff or people to take care of them. Can you be one of those people? I hope the pastor is delegating so that they are not doing all of these things (if they are there is a problem elsewhere!!) But trust me...these are things that WILL get blamed on the pastor if they are not taken care of. He is the one who will get the call on Monday if it is too hot or cold during the worship service on Sunday. He is the one who will get the call if the grass is not cut or the sidewalk is not shoveled. Instead of worry...give him peace of mind by taking on responsibility so you will know he won't get a call.
5. Take away his need. Most pastors feel a compulsion to make sure everything gets done that is on their "to do" list. If you have a few free minutes (and let's face it we probably do even though we lie to his face and tell him we don't because our schedules are already filled up with things that WE want to do)--why not help with his "to do" list? Instead of feeding his compulsion...allow him more time to be in the Word, with his family, doing what HE loves for a change...because a lot of the time those things go undone because there is too little time left over in his schedule once he serves the needs of the congregation.
There are many more things that could be taken away but I think that you get the idea (thank Conway!). Before I close I MUST make this disclaimer...some people might read this and think that I am being harsh on the pew sitters. Asking them to add to their already too busy lives seems a LOT to ask!! I understand that. However, pew-sitters need to understand this...your lives are busy because YOU choose for them to be. There are only 24 hours a day---after sleeping, eating and work/school is taken away the rest of the time is for YOU to decide...MOST today do not choose wisely--they overcrowd their schedules with activities for themselves and their children that make their lives frenetic, chaotic, and impossible to manage. You pastor probably does that too...but he has also assumed responsibility for your life too, and the lives of every person in your congregation, not to mention those outside the congregation he is endeavoring to have an influence on. He is not responsible for everything that goes on in your life...but because God loved him and called him he readily accepts that responsibility because God's love overflows through him to you and your family...so yeah...I'm a little hard on pew-sitters because so few understand what it is like to live in the ministry bubble...but in the end...they chose it because they feel called to it and you are a part of their calling...and you can help share the burden of their call by taking a few things away that tend to make life "inside the bubble" much more difficult than it has to be. As a congregant you are a joy to him...aren't you?
Pastors who may be reading this...I'm praying for you.
