I am a child of the 70's. As such, at least growing up in my parents house, I listened to whatever music they listened to (at least until I broke the yoke of music slavery!)...which in my case was country music...and a LOT of it! I don't listen to country today (it is really just bad rock) but I can recall a few songs here and there of what I was reared on...my mom was a Conway Twitty fan, and at some point he released a song called "Happy Birthday Darlin'." In this song he assures his "darlin'" that he didn't get her any fancy presents, instead he wants to take a few things away. You can check out the song in the video below:
If you have continued to read to this point you are probably confused...(it's okay I was confused when I typed it!). Here is the bottom line...your "pastor" (a term I am not wild about but will continue to use for the sake of clarity and continuity) is not looking for a gift or recognition. If it comes from the local christian bookstore he already has it or doesn't want it...SO...perhaps this year you, like Conway Twitty, can give him something truly helpful and try to take away a few things that are making his life, his vocation, and his ministry more difficult than it has to be. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Take away his insecurity. Don't "appreciate" him once a year or a month of every year. Let him know that you continue to pray for him. Send him emails and cards, post on social media how much you appreciate all that he has given up to help lead you and your congregation ALL YEAR LONG!
2. Take away his burdens. Most people don't realize that pastor's are really only burdened about a few things: their family, the congregation they serve, and those dying without Jesus (and not necessarily in that order). You can help alleviate some of that burden by helping him to care for his family (offer to babysit, give them a gift card for a night on the town, send cards and gift boxes to their children in college, etc...). He is making sure your family is cared for...why are so many pastoral families NOT cared for? You can ease his burden by offering to help (it is required in Scripture) serve others in your congregation by whatever means that God has gifted you. You can free up more of his time...which is ALWAYS a gift.
3. Take away disunity and gossip. I know...we are mumbling to ourselves that we are not the cause of such things in our congregations...OF COURSE WE AREN'T!! But our stubborn refusal to participate in some things because it is "not for us" or "I don't like it" is a link in a chain that binds the pastor. Our backbiting and talking behind the backs of others is another link in what often seems to the pastor to be a "ponderous chain" (with apologies to Charles Dickens). Grumbling about things that are mere "likes and dislikes" prevent God from the blessings that your pastor is seeking on your behalf...we are not ready for it yet because we cannot stop dealing with the small things.
4. Take away his worry. As a small church pastor I can attest that their are fewer people to do everything that needs to be done to make ministry happen. Small things like making communion for worship, making sure that grass looks nice in the summer and the snow is shoveled in the winter, making sure there is toilet tissue, that the heat/air are properly adjusted...all these tiny details are things that small church pastors worry about because they don't have staff or people to take care of them. Can you be one of those people? I hope the pastor is delegating so that they are not doing all of these things (if they are there is a problem elsewhere!!) But trust me...these are things that WILL get blamed on the pastor if they are not taken care of. He is the one who will get the call on Monday if it is too hot or cold during the worship service on Sunday. He is the one who will get the call if the grass is not cut or the sidewalk is not shoveled. Instead of worry...give him peace of mind by taking on responsibility so you will know he won't get a call.
5. Take away his need. Most pastors feel a compulsion to make sure everything gets done that is on their "to do" list. If you have a few free minutes (and let's face it we probably do even though we lie to his face and tell him we don't because our schedules are already filled up with things that WE want to do)--why not help with his "to do" list? Instead of feeding his compulsion...allow him more time to be in the Word, with his family, doing what HE loves for a change...because a lot of the time those things go undone because there is too little time left over in his schedule once he serves the needs of the congregation.
There are many more things that could be taken away but I think that you get the idea (thank Conway!). Before I close I MUST make this disclaimer...some people might read this and think that I am being harsh on the pew sitters. Asking them to add to their already too busy lives seems a LOT to ask!! I understand that. However, pew-sitters need to understand this...your lives are busy because YOU choose for them to be. There are only 24 hours a day---after sleeping, eating and work/school is taken away the rest of the time is for YOU to decide...MOST today do not choose wisely--they overcrowd their schedules with activities for themselves and their children that make their lives frenetic, chaotic, and impossible to manage. You pastor probably does that too...but he has also assumed responsibility for your life too, and the lives of every person in your congregation, not to mention those outside the congregation he is endeavoring to have an influence on. He is not responsible for everything that goes on in your life...but because God loved him and called him he readily accepts that responsibility because God's love overflows through him to you and your family...so yeah...I'm a little hard on pew-sitters because so few understand what it is like to live in the ministry bubble...but in the end...they chose it because they feel called to it and you are a part of their calling...and you can help share the burden of their call by taking a few things away that tend to make life "inside the bubble" much more difficult than it has to be. As a congregant you are a joy to him...aren't you?
Pastors who may be reading this...I'm praying for you.
I believe help me in my unbelief.
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